Good Evening, Everyone:

May all of you have a Most Blessed Week.  This past week has been very interesting.

Earlier this week I had a conversation with a very dear friend about love and relationships.   I’ve never been married but my friend has been married and divorced twice.  She’s still searching for that “special someone” perhaps if she’s fortunate, she may find him.

Unfortunately, most of the people I know have had relationships that have “failed” for one reason or another.  To be perfectly honest, intimate relationships are a “gamble” and there is no “fool proof” way of knowing whether or not your partner is worth the effort.  A person, who may seem to be a viable candidate, may turn out to be someone who’s nothing like the initial persona that you were attracted to.  The alleged Craigslist murderer is a prime example.  His fiancée does not believe that he was capable of committing the violent acts that he has been arrested for but the authorities seem to have evidence to the contrary. 

The agony that she is experiencing must be tremendous and my heart goes out to her.  Regarding his alleged victims, no one deserves to be a victim of violent crime but it’s bound to happen when you are exposing yourself to the “unknown appetites” of total strangers.  Unless you have a “black belt” in karate, a woman is in an extremely vulnerable position to be harmed and your assailant knows it.  It’s a well known fact that rape is considerably “under reported” and the same can probably be said for women offering “erotic” services for sale. For these women, reporting such crimes would invite inquires they would prefer to avoid.  Their assailants are counting on it.

From a personal standpoint, it has taken me over 20 years to realize that men and women simply don’t think alike.  Women feel much more comfortable with openly expressing and discussing their feelings than men do.  Men have been socialized into avoiding such encounters because it makes them seem “weak” to do so.  They prefer to passively observe situations and contemplate their feelings in private. Forcing a man to “open up” to you when he does not really want to may be“counter-productive”.  You may not be prepared for what you might hear! 

According to Matthew 12 verse 35, “A good person brings forth good out of a store of goodness, but an evil person brings forth evil out of a store of evil”. In relationships, actions speak louder than words.  If your partner really wants the relationship to work, you will know based upon their efforts.  However, we as women, have to make sure our expectations are not “out of sync” with reality.  It’s unfair for a woman to expect a man to give her things in which he does not have the means to provide or behave in a manner that is “alien” to his character. Initially, he may make the effort and resent you later for it.  That is why it is so important to determine if your relationship will make a “worthwhile” friendship in which you both share complimentary values.  Love, per se, is an emotion that fluctuates and may disappear altogether as time passes.  On the other hand, solid friendships have their ups and downs but as time passes they endure.  If you have a solid camaraderie with your partner, love can be “rekindled” but if this is not the case; you’re in for “an uphill battle”.  Good Luck!   

May Peace Be With All of You,

Sistah Selah