Good Evening, Everyone:

I hope that all of you had a very nice day because mine was certainly interesting.

Earlier today, I was reading on the Internet about the divorce settlement of a very well known celebrity.  Unfortunately, he did not fare very well and his spouse whom he had no children with received a very generous settlement.  Quite naturally, many posters responded by saying some downright awful things about women, in general. However; if he would have insisted that his spouse sign a prenuptial agreement before the marriage took place, his misfortune could have been avoided.

This evening while I was out running errands, I was approached by a very young man, a foreigner that I have never met.  He insisted that he recognized me from church but as long as I have attended my church, I don’t ever recall seeing him there.  In fact, I made it a point not to tell him which mass I regularly attended because I simply was not interested in seeing him again.  As I was walking away from him, a security officer came up to him to inquire about his vehicle and his reason for loitering on the premises. After this exchange, I thought that I was through with him, but as I was about to board my bus, he drives up and offers me a ride.  I simply told him I was catching my bus and cursed when he drove off.

I suspect that this young man had originally entered America on a student visa and it had expired or he was no longer in school.  Since 9/11,immigration enforcement has been stepped up and this young man was desperately trying to attach himself to an American in order to remain here.  I’ve been approached in a similar fashion before and was even offered money to marry an Asian man so he could remain in America.  I turned it down because I felt it was an “unethical inconvenience” for me to pretend to be married to someone I did not love.  As far as I’m concerned,money is not everything!

This encounter took me back down “memory lane” so to speak.  My experience has been that “men can be just as ruthless as women” in the pursuit of material security.  I’ve encountered men who would not date a woman unless she was driving a certain type of car or worked in a particular profession.  I’ve also had the misfortune of dating a man (God rest his lying, conniving soul) who thought I was “stupid enough” to purchase a brand new truck for him to drive around in with his other women including the wife whom I had no idea that he had.  I can even think of other instances too, but believe me when I tell you that “GOLD DIGGING” is not relegated only to the “female sex”.  Historically, men both rich and poor, regardless of their religious and/or ethnic backgrounds have entered into marriages with women for strategic and/or financial purposes only.  The history books are filled with countless examples.  Just take your pick!

Marrying someone only for money and/or prestige is destined to fail because you are living a lie based on the superficial.  If you only have affection for those who give you things, what will happen when they stop being so generous?  Dump them? It happens to both men and women, every day.  Manipulating someone’s affections only for the sake of your own advancement or security will backfire in the long run.  Sociopaths are not vested in relationships for the long haul.  They only think about themselves.

I have observed that women, in general, don’t always fare well when attempting to manipulate a man into sustaining a relationship based solely upon what she wants.  In one instance, a woman was living with a man who was finishing up his residency to become a doctor.  During this relationship, the man made it clear that he was not interested in marrying her.  Towards the end of his residency, she becomes pregnant and being true to his intent, the man gave the woman the money to have an abortion.  Instead, she chooses to have the baby, in fact, she gave birth to twins.  Unfortunately, one of the babies was born with a very severe disability that requires around the clock monitoring.  Although the man, in question, pays her child support, he wants absolutely nothing to do with her or the babies.  Essentially, she’s left to deal with the stress of raising two children fathered by a man who never really loved her in the first place.  He’s moved on but she’s“Stuck like Chuck”.  Truthfully, the majority of the women whom I know that have played “the unplanned pregnancy card” lost the men they sought to trap. These relationships usually ended pretty badly with the women left alone to pick up the pieces.

Realistically, both men and women have the same capacity to “give lovingly and freely” within a relationship or “just take and keep stepping”!  Nobody likes “being played” emotionally or financially.  The best defense is prayer and common sense. A person who really loves you will be with you if you have nothing at all to offer them.  If they’re just hanging around for “the goodies”, you’ll know. Just take the “goodies” away and watch them disappear.  You don’t have to open the doors of your heart to everyone who knocks – only those who care!

May Peace Be With All of You,

Sistah Selah